Professional Horoscopes

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> Professional Horoscopes
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> 1) MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a
> marketing degree to avoid having to study in college,
> concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is
> pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least
> compatible with Sales.
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> 2) SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as
> "marketing without a degree". You are also self centered and
> paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their
> money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can
> "concentrate on the big picture". You seek admiration for
> your golf game throughout your life.
>
> 3) TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal
> life, you are instead content to completely control
> everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU
> don't understand what you are saying but who the heck can
> tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.
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> 4) ENGINEERING: One of only two signs that actually studied
> in school. It is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads
> are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself; your
> office is full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets.
> However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal
> tunnel syndrome".
>
> 5) ACCOUNTING: The only other sign that studied in school.
> You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most
> feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme
> organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you
> say that you are completely insane. Oh, and usually the first
> to be incarcerated.
>
> 6) HUMAN RESOURCES: Ironically, given your access to
> confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip
> within the organization. Possibly the only other person that
> does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any
> calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND
> then mail a letter.
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> 7) MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT: Catty, cut-throat, yet
> completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your
> current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a
> single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number
> of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to
> marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in you social
> circle is a "Middle Manager."
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> 8) SENIOR MANAGEMENT: See above - Same sign, different
> title.
>
> 9) CUSTOMER SERVICE: Bright, cheery, positive, you are a
> fifty cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children
> very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for
> your room and a headset so you could pretend to play
> "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions,
> your best bet is to sleep with your manager.
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> 10) CONSULTANT: Lacking any specific knowledge, you use
> acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience.
> You have convinced yourself that your skills are in demand
> and that you could get a higher paying job with any other
> organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity
> contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking
> direct action.
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> 11) RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER": As a person that profits from
> the success of others, you are disdained by most people who
> actually work for a living. Paid on commission and
> susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart
> attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock
> market.
>
> 12) PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO: You are brilliant or lucky.
> Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax
> machine suggest the latter.
>
> Have a nice day!
>